STOP! THINK!

Today is an incredibly awesome day.  I went to church last night so I could just sleep in case my fall really hurt me yesterday.   I am a little stiff but not bad at all.   I was feeling very TBI yesterday when I fell.  I have to think about everything I do, I cannot walk and talk and negotiate unknown steps at the same time :(

Today is much better.  I'm feeling much more in control today than I thought I would.  I remembered to work the concessions stand only to find out I probably forgot to even sign up but was able to send others away so they could enjoy their day.  But I enjoyed myself, Brayden and I rode bike so I think that helped my hip.  When I got home, I hung a load of clothes on the line and even did another.  I took a walk around the garden, relaxed while the boys played in the pool.  Jerome had to work this weekend but I think I did alright.  Had a bottle of wine with Melissa last night.  I've thoroughly enjoyed the weekend.  Except for the fall, I'd chalk this up to being good.

Many people don't know how a TBI affects a person, in fact most people I know don't really understand.  People say to me, I do that all the time, trying to make me feel better.  I know that everyone forgets, I know everyone trips, I know everyone makes mistakes but I don't think everyone knows how hard I have to work so I can be just like everyone.  My thought process is way more complicated than it needs to be.  I have to process all the possibilities in all situations, this includes walking down the stairs, making supper, going to bed, driving to work,arriving at work.  You name it, I plan it.  Everything, every time .

Other people would like me to just move on! I cannot I have to constantly remember to think about things that others just do by second nature.  I would love to move on, I'd like to get over it but I'm not allowed to do this.  I have really bad days if I try to not constantly think. I get ttired of thinking.  I don't want to have anything to think about.  I can't even think about a vacation with the family because I will not enjoy it.  We went to Fl last summer and it should have been fun but I was downright miserable.  I have always been a planner but TBI requires it.  I'm thankful for being a planner, it helps things seem more in control. Sometimes planning is just planning to let Jerome plan.  I then get testy when he asks me "what's next".

I'm learning to not dwell on things.  I'm trying to "suck it up" but then I fall and am reminded to think again.  Guess I'm stuck.