Don't worry, be happpy!

yes, it's a corny 80's song but it just sums up how I feel lately

There are so many things to be happy about:
1.  MY JOB
     I worked today, I caught my error from yesterday before anyone noticed...I think. I did what I needed to do in the time that I am supposed to do it in.  I don't believe I made any errors but then again, I thought didn't yesterday either.  I was able to be home early enough to go for a bike ride and then go swimming with Brayden in our pool.  Okay, I admit it, I didn't swim but I was lying on the floaty IN the pool. I also am teaching English and loving my 2 regular students!

2.  My FAMILY
     I am finally starting to enjoy my family and they are starting to enjoy me also. I'm getting help from the boys and Leah with different chores around the house .  Breanna doesn't need the kind of motivation that I'm having to do with the others, she just does what I ask her.  I finally feel comfortable being their mom and not their friend.  I can discipline without feeling like a "mean" mom.  Mainly because I"m not yelling.  I love not yelling.  I love being able to "hold it together".

3.  MY HUSBAND
      I finally feel like I'm giving equal effort to our relationship as he has been giving me.  I'm returning the amount of love that he has given me in the last 3 years especially that he showed me when I was struggling so.

4.  MY HOUSE
     My house is clean, the floors are clean...75% of the time.  My laundry is not filling the laundry room.  The kitchen is 80% clean 90% of the time.

5.  MY BRAIN
     I feel like I have finally figured out what I need and when I need it so that I don't have "meltdowns" And I realize that when it does happen I need to not get down on myself but consider it a learning experience and learn from it so that I don't do it again.

As I finish this I think somebody might think, well duh...for the bulk of this blog but it makes me happy just writing this down.  I won't credit this to me or anyone else but GOD, he is helping me and if I remember to listen I will be able to continue being happy.

good, boring days

Today was  good day, boring but good.  I loved it! I need to find contentment in boring.  Today I did.

I struggled with this BC (before crash) and I still do at times but I'm learning that it's harder to struggle with too much.  I need to just be content.  I need to put expectations aside and just live in the moment.

Hard lesson for the woman that likes control but I'm learning.  It will take time! Hard to teach an old dog new tricks!

STOP! THINK!

Today is an incredibly awesome day.  I went to church last night so I could just sleep in case my fall really hurt me yesterday.   I am a little stiff but not bad at all.   I was feeling very TBI yesterday when I fell.  I have to think about everything I do, I cannot walk and talk and negotiate unknown steps at the same time :(

Today is much better.  I'm feeling much more in control today than I thought I would.  I remembered to work the concessions stand only to find out I probably forgot to even sign up but was able to send others away so they could enjoy their day.  But I enjoyed myself, Brayden and I rode bike so I think that helped my hip.  When I got home, I hung a load of clothes on the line and even did another.  I took a walk around the garden, relaxed while the boys played in the pool.  Jerome had to work this weekend but I think I did alright.  Had a bottle of wine with Melissa last night.  I've thoroughly enjoyed the weekend.  Except for the fall, I'd chalk this up to being good.

Many people don't know how a TBI affects a person, in fact most people I know don't really understand.  People say to me, I do that all the time, trying to make me feel better.  I know that everyone forgets, I know everyone trips, I know everyone makes mistakes but I don't think everyone knows how hard I have to work so I can be just like everyone.  My thought process is way more complicated than it needs to be.  I have to process all the possibilities in all situations, this includes walking down the stairs, making supper, going to bed, driving to work,arriving at work.  You name it, I plan it.  Everything, every time .

Other people would like me to just move on! I cannot I have to constantly remember to think about things that others just do by second nature.  I would love to move on, I'd like to get over it but I'm not allowed to do this.  I have really bad days if I try to not constantly think. I get ttired of thinking.  I don't want to have anything to think about.  I can't even think about a vacation with the family because I will not enjoy it.  We went to Fl last summer and it should have been fun but I was downright miserable.  I have always been a planner but TBI requires it.  I'm thankful for being a planner, it helps things seem more in control. Sometimes planning is just planning to let Jerome plan.  I then get testy when he asks me "what's next".

I'm learning to not dwell on things.  I'm trying to "suck it up" but then I fall and am reminded to think again.  Guess I'm stuck.