Happy

I have been struggling the last few days with my mood.  I so badly want to better but maybe I just need to be myself...

Yesterday was an excellent example.  I took the boys to the Y for Sunday school and spent the day with many of my former students and their kids, talk about weird.  That's what happens when you teach for 25 years.  I was scared to try anything because I was soooo tired and didn't want to push too hard because I worked today.  I did finally go and put my suit on and tried to sit in the hot tub...too hot maybe lasted 15 minutes, then I remembered I had my tennis shoes in the car and could walk but I just was too unable to do this.  I know a few years ago I wouldn't have passed up the chance to be at the Y and workout.  I was angry at myself for not working out but I was even too tired to be mad.

I came home to a pigsty...It took me an hour to clean the house that I had left at 9:00 that morning.  Of course this was while I was being serenaded by Jerome's snores!! I wasn't a happy momma.  I made supper, grilled cheese and soup.  I then got to sit and watch tv which Jerome was in control of...yay...I love pawn stars!!!

I then got the kids in bed and got to use the computer and was able to setup a "date" with my nieces for the movie "God's Not Dead" on Tuesday.  I'm very excited to go with those two young ladies that like me...lol...Leah said she'd go if she didn't have to sit by me...:)

Today was very good! I think I'm getting settled in my new job and it could be worse, I could still be screwing up daily.  I need to lose some weight but even that I can handle. My new outfit looked good today and I felt better because of that.  Charlie did tell me I didn't look too good but he quickly shut up when I gave him "the look" It was just too funny...I love my coworkers, I love working by myself after all have left.

I need to remember that I'm going to have down days but it could always be worse, I could still be trying to managing sophomore boys daily.  Just can't let the little things get me down and I need to stop comparing my life today to my life 5 years ago...Life is good, I need to be happy, I AM happy!

New glasses, new way to look at the world!

So, I got new glasses on Wednesday as I was on the way to Wausau to meet a support group for TBI survivors.  I thought that was a neat thing, new glasses for a new way to look at my TBI

I truly hate the "excuses" for the TBI I don't really think of them as excuses anymore but they are reasons why I have to create a new/different life.  I have an increased good outlook if I think of it as reasons rather than excuses.  I think the way that you approach life and what it deals you is vital to whether it is good or bad, whether you are happy or sad...I've now decided that I'm going to be a positive person.  I'm not sure how I was pre accident but i'm going to make it a point to be positive from now on.

I absolutely LOVE the support group, There were many people there that have gone through or are going through the same think that I am and they could help me relate, Jerome even felt comfortable talking and interacting.  They were all positive, there wasn't any one of them that said anything negative, it was definitely a positive group.  One of them even said, It could always be worse, there is always somebody that has it worse than you do.  One thing also is that we all could find issues with our TBI but we are all finding ways to deal with it.  It was such a positive thing.  I was all gung ho on starting my own group but I think I will continue with this group for a while before I try to start my own.  My new idea is that I should take things slow, crazy idea, right?! lol

I was up late on Wed because of the support group but had to be up and moving by 7 to take Polar to the vet, Leah to the ortho, drive home and back to Marshfield for therapy on Thursday.  Then work Friday; help at a funeral and back to work Saturday with a church potluck that night. And then I went to the bar for a white russian, ended up having 2 salted nut roll shots with former students.  I went shopping with my girls today in Wausau, it was awesome.  Needless to say, I'm tried, really tired.  I've decided that I'm not going to be stopped but I will make myself to listen when my body says slow down....stop!.  For many this is definitely new for me.  I'm going to listen to what my body is saying, I'm not going to fight it, I'm going to do this! I am! I will have 0 expectations so that i will not be disappointed, I'll only be pleasantly surprised! This is another thing that has come about from the support group! I love this group!!!

I suppose this is how it's supposed to be

I'm not certain that I like it like this but I will learn  to live with it.  I'm so incredibly moody today, one minute I'm fine the other I want to scream the next I want to cry.  I think I just really need a hug but Breanna wouldn't give one today! Alex will be home in an hour, he will.  My house is clean, I'm going to exercise, I will be okay, life is pretty good.  I need to remember this and keep going but sometimes....I need to give myself a pep talk.  I need to listen! It could we a whole lot worse!! Suck it up!!!