My Foggy day...and it wasn't the weather

On Thursday I had the foggiest day I can remember ever.  I had to work and I had a therapy appt in the afternoon that day.  I had gone to bed early with the thought that it was going to be a bit of a challenge for me because Leah wanted her hair done that day also.  I thought work went smoothly except I didn't feel like myself at all.  I was having trouble the whole time, I think even Charlie and Ernie noticed because they were not talking too much to me.

Then I drove home and felt like I was in a fog, and so very tired. I was very thankful to get home.  I got home and still felt odd, then I took Leah to get her hair done, I still felt weird and tried to explain it to her.  I did a couple of things and then went to therapy and talked about how foggy I was feeling.  I couldn't come up with it and either could she.  I couldn't remember ever feeling like this before.  I then went grocery shopping with Leah and was just starting to feel better.  I finally got us home, got ready for bed and got up easily the next morning and felt "normal" again.  I was still at a loss as to understand where the "fog" had come from. 

Today I think I finally figured it out! I think I took the wrong medicine, I took the "sleeping"pill and not the "happy pill" that morning.  They look so similar and unless I was paying attention I could have done that easily.  My therapist would talk to me about how I could be certain I didn't do this again.  I am going to write on the tops of my meds to keep them straight. 

It's my goal to get off the meds but they help me a lot for now.  My prayer is that I can get my life under control enough that I don't need them.  If I think about it I could be on lots more meds and be in a bigger fog all of the time.  I'm chalking it up to a learning experience and I don't think it will happen again. I'm honestly very tired of learning but I guess that's going to be the "new" me now. 

Thoughts on TBI

I really don't know what I want to write but I think it's important for me to get my thoughts down on what I'm thinking right now.

I've been told many times how lucky I am or how blessed I am, especially when I get frustrated with myself.   I don't know that I fully understand how bad it could be but I'm reading a book called "My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte that was recommended to me by my therapist.  I will admit I don't like it very much but am going to keep reading it because I think she has some insight that I can benefit from. The author couldn't read and had issues talking after her brain injury which was a stroke.   I also have searched TBI on Pinterest and saw a woman that is a "miracle" that isn't even close to as "recovered" as I am.  I will never recover, I will just learn to think differently.  This frustrates me but I'm getting better at it. 

I think about God much more these days and am thankful with all my heart.  I believe this whole thing is being used by God to better my family.  I'm not stressing over my job anymore, I almost feel guilty leaving work and not taking any work home with me but I'm getting over that too.  I have a clean house and my family gets a mom and a wife that they deserve on top of it.  I can't say that I love my job as much as I loved teaching but I do like it a lot.  I may even start teaching English in January to Spanish speakers, I'm so excited to start this too.  These learners will hopefully be more motivated and more respectful.  It's something I preached to all of my students when I was in the high school when they would talk about the "Mexicans" and how they couldn't speak English, I always told them that it takes time to learn and that someone needs to teach them on their time and where they are comfortable.  I will be working with the Mexican grocery store in Marshfield to do the teaching, I'm so very excited.

TBI and I are never going to be friends but I will be able to accept it better now, I think.  Hopefully this blog will allow me to put my thoughts down as I go through this new life. Stay tuned for more.   

New Year and New Life

I am starting this blog now 3 days before Christmas.  As I'm looking forward to a new year, I'm trying also to get into the Christmas spirit and I thought a little writing may help, my friend tells me it will help my brain.  I decided earlier this year that I wanted to start this blog to help organize my thoughts but am unable to use my kindle to do it and as my computer is unable to take a charge it has taken my this long to get myself together. 

I've named this blog rejoiceable, regrettable but never redoable simply because it has been my theme after pastor told me it in a sermon one Sunday last spring.  It is my theme in what I do now.  I really have put my brain on this especially after "the Tuesday" which is when I believe my life really came to life. 

"The Tuesday" was a very stressful day for myself.  It was in October I believe, Leah had a vball came and it was running later than I had planned, I got a text from Breanna asking me to go home and get her ice water for her game, I thought, I'll miss the start of Senior night then, but I went anyway, leaving Leah's game early, I got home and back in about 10 minutes only to get to the game and people started to ask me if I was "okay" only to realize I had missed the introduction of the Seniors.  I wasn't happy,  then the game started, Breanna didn't start, in fact she never went in the first game at which point I "lost it" I went for a walk outside and called Melissa.  I'm sure her ears were ringing, as I blamed everyone for screwing up my night after I blew off steam and burned it off too I went back in.  I watched the rest of the game which I think they lost. I then went home and screamed and had a fit with my family.  Wednesday I slept til about 1, I then realized there was bible study that night and I hadn't done the chapter which was supposed to be the previous week's lesson but had been put off a week.  It was from Ephesians where Paul talks about anger and how that isn't following God's way, I was amazed, I shared it with the ladies at Bible study that night then went to get Brayden from Jouney at the cross roads church.  He proceeded to tell me about the potters story about when he wasn't listening to God everything was messy but when he listened it was beautiful and he agreed that it was me too after last night.  God was talking to me, I needed to listen

Since then I'm trying my best to listen and feel that I'm more put together.  It is now time to start this new life and the new year is going to help me accomplish this.  I have a new job and a new outlook in life and it's time to embrace it.  I know that God planned all of this and will try to do a better job at listening, so that I can have a beautiful piece of pottery, just like Brayden told me. 

I am going to enjoy this family and this season.  I want to be at peace and I want my family to be at peace also.  So, cheers to a new year and a new life.  Time to build up my family and myself with God's word