Back at it! Smiling and loving life.

I made a decision this week that I can't let my disability have any more control than it deserves.  I am still going to keep my days in check and rest when needed but I'm not going to let it be in control of what I do.

 If I'm careful,  I should be able to do more than work,  I should be able to have some fun too. I should be able to take my boys places and enjoy them without worrying.  I should be able to go to weddings without worry.

I think what I dislike is that as soon as I get crabby or short with people in told to go to sleep.  Hell, I was crabby and short with people pre accident. Everyone has those times,  I'm not perfect,  neither are you!

I do have trouble sleeping sometimes,  I think some of that is because I've napped too long.  Because of that I'm taking some control of my naps.  Just like I'm taking control of this damn disability

I love my life,  I love what I can do and I've decided to be happy and

Certainty is needed

I lost it last night.  Leah and Jerome were meeting with her recruiter and I simply needed to know when her graduation week will be so that I can plan for it off.  Jerome first was taking forever and a day to tell me what her job was simply because he really didn't understand it.  On top of it he wouldn't tell me a specific date for graduating and he said she may not go on March 6 for sure either,  it could change.  Needless to say I was not happy.  I walked down to her room.  We talked about the job,  I thought I understood what was gong on with that and when I asked her for the graduation date she told me they wouldn't know that for sure until 5 weeks before it.  Then she proceeded to tell me I didn't need to come.  This put me over the edge although I didn't lose it in front of her.  I came back upstairs and proceeded to bitch at Jerome and Breanna. This only made it worse.  I was very angry.  Why does she do that to me?!?!

When I woke up this morning I thought I had what Jerome didn't understand about the job figured out and I had calmed down about her saying she didn't want me there. 
I texted her recruiter and asked him what the date would be if everything went as expected and he said April 26. I had a date! Yay!  Then i thought about why she would say that to me and I decided it is a defense mechanism from years ago.  I think she is giving me permission not to go so that she can't get hurt if I am not in the best condition at her graduation.  It cannot be her fault if I'm not good.  I'm going to do my best to keep it together.  I promised her. 

I have answers now to my questions.  I can't believe how much better I feel.  I know it's not written in stone but I have dates I was not a spontaneous person preTBI and I'm definitely not now.  Jerome and Leah both claim they told me that  (April 26) but they never did specifically. They said probably March 6 then 7 1/2 weeks after that.  First of all the 6th is in the middle of a week and how do they count the weeks.  Too much incertainty for me.  All Sgt Turner needed to do was give me a date and now I'm happy.  I'm vey happy and proud of my little chica. 

USAF, here we come!

By the way I didn't have the job figured out perfectly but Leah reexplained it to me today and shes happy. 

Goodness knows this brain is not good but I do know what I need,  I just need my family and life to cooperate 😀