Guilt and TBI

I struggle with guilt daily.  I think I want to make up for the things I've missed and I take on more guilt when I should be just moving on and rejoicing in what I'm able to do now.

It doesn't help that I talk things to death either.  Jerome has never been talker and that doesn't help matters.  He tells me to just let it be and he can do that but I cannot.  I want to talk until I feel better, my girls don't like to talk either at least not about what I think I should do or fix.  Leah is the worst.  She is at the age of, do anything to make mom think you don't like her and have her do everything to try to get you to like her.  She flat out tells me she doesn't love me which when I'm in the guilty mood, is just devastating.  Good thing I have tough love Breanna to set me straight.  Next year is going to be so hard without her.

I need to lay off feeling guilty about the things I cannot do and focus on the things I can.  I can be a good mom.  I can be a good wife.  I can be a good friend.  But I can't do any of this if I let guilt win.  I need to put myself first and not guilt.

Ask and ye shall recieve

A week ago I blogged about wanting 2 good, positive days in a row and being worried about the coming week.  Well.....I got 2 days plus 5 more...this week was awesome!!

I needed to rest and I did nap when needed and I don't believe I "lost" it once!! Only 2 people showed up for English class on Wednesday but I handled it and did a wonderful job (I think so anyway).  They were very positive and gave me more ideas for this week!

I just started a new book written by a local man and a very bad accident that he had.  In the book he talks about how God talks to him and if he goes to God with his wants and fully believes, it will be answered although not always the way he/we want it to.  I agree with what he is saying and am only hoping to be more ready to listen and wait in the future.

My faith in God hasn't diminished with this accident and life changing career movement but instead I feel it is stronger than it has ever been.  I'm learning to trust God and let Him be in charge and not me! It is such a great feeling.  Some people may say its corny but I would challenge them to give it a try!

sun = life

Today was a beautiful day. Started with church, family was a little slow on the go but I dealt with it, it was great to have Breanna join me at the last minute.  I was tired in church and I thought "oh, no, not again" but after church I didn't take a nap, I took a walk with the dogs instead.  The sun was shining, it was wonderful.  Got home, made mom's cheese and weenie casserole for lunch, went outside, played with Brayden, walked around the yard, enjoyed the sun and the dogs, called Jim, left a message to rototil the garden when he got a chance.  Jim showed up, rototilled the garden, removed tree stumps and straightened out the mill felt.  Garden is coming in the near future! It was so nice, I had to force myself to come in and relax.  I'm tired but I think it was a great way to start this hectic week but then again if I can get through tomorrow, the rest will be easy!

just 2...please

I just want two good days in a row, please. Thursday felt amazing, I did so much, I felt like the old me! But then yesterday I took it slow and today I am still exhausted! This sucks big time!  I'm afraid of this week.  It's going to be a challenge and I hope I'm up for it, if I don't make it I'm going to be so very disappointed and frustrated and sad. I will plan ways to take it slow and easy but I need to know I can do this without feeling broken when I'm done. I refuse to accept this, I have goals, I know they are attainable but I need to be not so hard on myself, I need to be my best cheerleader! But I'm tired, maybe tomorrow