I never go to the post office!

l was told to blog about my new found realization that God wants me to witness.  So, here goes.

If you don't know how I got my job in Arpin then ask me in person and I will gladly tell you.  Long story short, it was his plan all along and we were out of stamps!

I love to tell it because it is what God wants me to do.  I want to continue to follow God's plan and am honestly trying.  It is my job to share with all, my story.   if you don't believe there is a God,I want you to know that there is and if you wait patiently he will show you.  Maybe he will hit you in the head but he will tell you.  Ask him for help,he is listening, or ask another believer to help you Ask me if you want, he will provide an answer.

Be a Turtle

So yesterday I was at work and I was doing well, then I started to rush and then I stopped, took a breath and told myself to take my time.  I did and I don't think I forgot anything.  That would make 2days that have gone by without forgetting, ok I admit I forgot to mail my time card but not a big deal.
I think in today's world we are trained to get things done quickly.  I used to be able to do more than one thing at a time,post accident, I could hardly do one I'm now able to do at least 2.  Except when something happens that I didn't anticipate. It can be something as simple as someone talking to me.
I love my job, it allows me to more or less work alone, I have trouble when someone tells me what to do, especially if it's not what I had planned to do or out of order or if I'm interrupted.  I myself am to blame often times this happens because I'm rushing and not keeping focused.
Just like the fable Tortoise and the Hare, TBI means you can't be the Hare, you need to be a Turtle

Stop and take your time!

Pre-accident and for a bit post-accident I was a time cuncher! My entire family would agree with this statement.  But I've noticed now, lately I lose track of time and am way less rigid (except bedtime for the boys).
I was also so crunched in the amount of time I allowed to do things or enjoy things.  Since the accident, actually since I resigned, actually since "the Tuesday" I take time to enjoy things and don't rush.
For example today, I had said yesterday to Brayden that I would take him sledding, today came and there was nobody around for him to go with so I went because it was so nice.  Now before you all start wondering; I didn't sled, I thought there would be people up there sledding and maybe even someone he knew.  I was half right there were people there so I didn't feel as nervous when I then took the dogs for a walk.  It was beautiful out today, I was able to enjoy it, even sitting and just watching him.
So, I think what I really want to tell people that are like what I used to be like (sometimes still am)to stop, listen, even smell the roses. Not the dog poop that I had to clean up on my walk...jajajaja!
As I finish this, I think about all the mistakes I've made and how many of them are simply because I didn't take my time, the biggest mistake of all the accident.  I can't remember any of the circumstances except I've been told I was picking up Leah and I'm going to guess I was in a hurry and didn't take the time necessary to see the other car.  I've been told my line of vision was poor because of corn, I obviously didn't take the time to look better and pulled out! Yes, I understand it was an accident but I know myself and I ask myself "why didn't I take the time to look well?"
Again TAKE YOUR TIME!! There is nothing that can't wait that won't be done better if you take your time, I lost 3 years of my life because I was in a hurry!

Tired of being tired

I'm so very tired of being tired, Breanna tells me it's because I'm old and that I over analyze it.

My therapist said that I should avoid napping during the day as it's probably interfering with my sleep at night.  I'm also taking a medication at night that helps me sleep better.  I didn't take that pill last night as a test to see if I really needed it because I was very tired and thought it would be a good time to try since I didn't need to get up this morning.  Well, I need the pill. I didn't sleep horribly last night.  I sat down today to read a book and ended up taking a nap.  I was mad at myself.  I had big plans for today, making cookies, cooking soup, cleaning, etc.  I did manage two of the three but I had to do them while watching the football game.  Oh well, they aren't doing very well anyway.

I'm thinking I "want" to sleep and I don't "need" to sleep and maybe it's depression, I know that is my issue with my weight but am going to get that into control soon too, if my tough love friend helps :)  Breanna says I used to nap before but I doubt that, I remember naps giving me issues with night time sleep but I don't remember naps.  I think I analyze everything that I think I do "wrong", on one hand that's bad but on the other hand it's good because I think I am able to look at how I do things with a good eye.  I'm very self critical, I think that's inherited, but I'm trying give myself a break.  Therefore I will try to enjoy "naps" once in awhile.

I am always yawning. I have trouble getting up and exercising, I love it when I do but getting to it is another story.  I really liked zumba because I had to pay for it and I'm so very "tight" that I wouldn't miss exercise if I had to pay.  I know that changing the way I eat and exercise and lose about 40 pounds it would do my brain good.  I could stop analyzing and just lived contentedly.

Melissa tells me that just like in the book(Rebooting My Brain), sleep is needed for recovery and I'm not recovered as she reminds me.  I feel like I should be but understand that there is no proof that after TBI there is "recovery" only a new way of living.  So I guess I'm writing my own "recovery".  I need to quit thinking things are "back to normal" because every time I do I get mad at how poorly I'm doing.  I just need to be happy I'm here to be trying, getting tired of just being happy to be here also, but this too with time will change.  I need to start pushing myself again but I'm not going to over do it.  I can't because then I'll just be tired again, and I'm tried of being tired!! :)

Thinking changes are coming

I have to remember to take the time to think about what I'm going to do.  This is something I didn't have to do preTBI but it is required for postTBI.  When I don't take the time, I have the tendency to not react well.  I have to think about what could go wrong so that I can plan how I'm going to react to something I didn't plan.  My therapist says that it's a good way to approach things.  She also said that I'm good to think ahead as to what may happen and plan for that but it's exhausting.  

She also told me that I should take my time and not rush into decisions and not think the worst first.  I have worked on this several times this past week, I cannot think of anything in particular but I know there have been a couple of times where I have done it and it worked a lot better than reacting immediately. I even said "I need to think" to my family one day, they understood and backed off for a few minutes.  It wasn't huge but it was definitely good.   

This stop and think part is so unlike me, I did my job for 21 years I didn't need to plan, it was just "natural".  I think post TBI that was a downfall for me.  I just thought I could do it the way I always had without planning what I would do if someone didn't follow my plan.  When someone didn't follow the plan, I reacted badly which was a downfall to my TBI.  Thankfully the new "guy in charge" didn't know the old me, and he saw completely how bad I was reacting to my students. And how much stress it was causing me. And he didn't let me not listen to my body and ignore the stress. He was prepared to be the "bad guy" and I thank him for that. (I don't think he was scared of me...lol)  My brain hurts to think about how I managed to do the job for 2 years.  I never stopped to think, probably for fear of seeing myself in a way I didn't want to be.  I'm thinking now and  things are really starting to go better for all.  

I try to tell my kids to take time to think instead of just reacting.  I think this is a skill that parents all try to teach their kids and I'm hoping to learn it so that I can be their teacher.  Example is better than any words I could say, they learn by watching.  There will be some changes in all of us as this new year progresses, at least I hope so :)